


you never got to heaven but you got real close

by soul_punkd



Category: Bring Me The Horizon, You Me At Six
Genre: (((((comments mean the world)))))), Again, Dysfunctional Relationships, M/M, Porn with Feelings, also theres brief mentions of self harm/suicidal thoughts, i stole that lyric from liquid confidence, ive written like ten things i just need to upload them, nothing major, oli is rly savage for like a second at the end i hope you catch it, sorry - Freeform, this is rly sad im sorry, title from loverboy by ymas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 10:04:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7310575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_punkd/pseuds/soul_punkd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>more fransykes!!! follow me/send me prompts and shit on my tumblr (@fransykesofficial)</p>
            </blockquote>





	you never got to heaven but you got real close

_You have one new voicemail from Josh Franceschi_

Oli reads the notification six times before opening it. He promised himself he wouldn’t do this again. Not after last time. Or the time before that, or the time before that, or the time before that. But not this time. This time he’ll let go. 

With shaking hands, he clicks play and mentally braces himself to hear Josh’s voice again.

_Hey, Oli._

_i love the way he says it. it w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶s̶o̶u̶n̶d̶ sounds even better when-_ Oli stops himself. He can’t let this happen again. He takes a few deep breaths, and tries not to think about the last Josh said his name like that. Laced with sadness and regret, but soft, like he sounds when he tells him he loves him. When he pretends to care. When he’s saying goodbye because he thinks Oli’s asleep and doesn’t hear, and when he shows up three months later expecting everything and giving nothing in return. 

_I heard you were in town, for the, uh, for the tour, and I was wondering if maybe I could drop by sometime? You know, if you want to see me. I want to see you. I miss you._

_oh, he misses me? then why the fuck does he leave?_ Oli thinks. His breathing quickens and he feels tears slipping down his cheeks and he puts his head in his hands and sobs. He types in Josh’s number, and his fingers hover impatiently over the keyboard. _no! say no! move on! tell him to leave you alone and ever come back because he’s tearing you apart from the inside out! _his brain screams as he types out a reply, texting because he doesn’t trust himself enough to call.__

_Of course._

~*~

Three weeks into the tour Josh shows up at his hotel room door. Oli doesn’t bother to ask how he got here, or where he’s been for the past four months. There’s a brief moment of awkward silence as Josh messes with his hair and Oli finds an insanely interesting spot to stare at on the carpet. But then Oli looks into Josh’s eyes and suddenly their lips collide and Oli is pressed between Josh and the cheap plaster and everything he was supposed to say is out the window and crushed flat against the fucking concrete.

“I missed you,” Josh whispers against Oli’s lips and Oli swallows the words in the back of his throat because he’s stuck in an endless storm of _joshjoshjoshjosh_ and to be quite honest at this point he doesn’t think he’ll ever let go. He couldn’t even if he really wanted to, because he’ll never stop lying to himself and pretending that he doesn’t need this. _we are an example of why not to fall in love,_ he thinks to himself bitterly. 

Josh’s eager hands run up and down his back and sides as they kiss like they’re taking their last breaths. Oli doesn’t _want_ to enjoy it, doesn’t _want_ to reciprocate, but it’s been so long and what with the things Josh is doing to his mouth the rest of his body isn’t really listening to his rational side anymore. Oli doesn’t remember Josh tugging down his jeans or being on his knees in general but he’s not complaining because Josh pulls his boxers down to his ankles, and he’s close to forgetting his own name the touch feels so fucking good. But then Josh wraps his mouth around Oli’s dick and he moans and fists his hands in Josh’s hair because he physically can’t form words right now. Oli comes in less than a minute but it’s alright because Josh just takes it and guides him to the bed but he doesn’t even have time to catch his breath before josh kisses him again and Oli can’t remember why he ever even considered giving this up. 

The kiss isn’t even broken when Oli grabs Josh’s dick and jerks him off quickly. Josh lets out a low groan and thrusts his hips into the touch, arching his back as he comes, and the scream he lets out is priceless and if it weren’t for the guilt settling in his stomach after coming down from his high Oli almost enjoys it. 

They lie panting, side-by-side, on the the shitty hotel mattress until their eyes meet and oli can’t decide whether he wants to laugh or cry because he is completely inescapably in love with Joshua Franceschi. 

“Hey,” Josh whispers, and he’s smiling but there’s that same sadness in his eyes.

“Hey,” Oli whispers back, and his voice breaks a little but it’s okay. As long as he doesn’t cry. 

“You got a new girlfriend,” he says, almost out of nowhere. “What’s she like?”

“She’s beautiful. Her name’s Hannah. Yeah, she’s great,” Oli says, smiling as he thinks of her eyes and her smile and the way she says ‘I love you’. Like she means it. 

_but she’s not you._

“Do you love her?” Josh asks.

“Yeah. I love her, but I’m _in love_ with you, Josh. There’s a difference,” Oli says, his reply barely audible as he holds back the tears welling up in his eyes. One slips out, but he refuses to acknowledge it. Josh kisses his cheek softly and it’s gone and that’s Oli’s breaking point because he just can’t fucking do this anymore. 

“What do you want?” he sobs, “Do you want my heart, because you fucking have it. I’d leave her, I love her but I’d leave her for you. If you stayed. If just for fucking once, you didn’t throw my heart on the fucking floor and leave me to pick up the pieces. I can’t fucking do this anymore, Josh. I can’t fucking do it. Why am I not good enough? Why am I not enough to make you stay? I’ve been fucking miserable for three fucking years because of you. I want to fucking kill myself every time I think of you because I’m in love with you, and, and, and it’s like you don’t even care, and that fucking hurts, okay? You can’t fucking do this to me. You can’t call me out of nowhere and let me fall in love all over again and then just up and leave. You c-can’t-” 

_i’m so fucking pathetic,_ Oli thinks to himself as he whimpers ‘i’m sorry’ over and over into Josh's shoulder. He can’t even bring himself to snatch his wrists from Josh’s grasp as he runs calloused fingers over the scarred skin.

“Just stay, please. Please don’t break my heart again, Josh, please,” he begs almost mindlessly in between gasping breaths.

Josh runs his fingers through Oli’s hair, and kisses his forehead softly. “I can’t, babe. You know that. We- we just can’t,” he whispers almost sadly. Almost. 

“Why?” Oli replies, his voice cracking as he tries not to break down again. 

“We just can’t. Shh, shh, it’s alright. But- we just can’t. I’m sorry,” Josh says, but he’s not sorry, or else he wouldn’t leave. 

He’s still holding Oli’s hands, and Oli cries a little more when Josh presses a chaste kiss to the insides of his wrists. “I love you,” he whispers, “I know you don’t believe me, but I really do. Please don’t hurt yourself over me,” Josh says, and wipes his eyes but he’s not crying because he can’t really care. He can pretend all he wants but _he just can’t._

Josh kisses his forehead again, and wipes a tear stain off his cheek with his thumb. “Shh, sleep now,” he says, and Oli closes his eyes. Closes his eyes and pretends not to hear the sheets ruffle as Josh stands up, or the click of the door behind him. Pretends not to miss the warmth of Josh skin on his, or how it almost like l̶o̶v̶e̶ something when they kiss. 

“Come back to me, Josh,” he whispers sadly into the empty silence. Josh doesn’t answer. He’s gone. 

_this is your night with arms wide open_  
_i’m the option you shouldn’t have chosen_  
_scared of the dark, the door’s wide open_  
_this is a night you’ll regret in the morning_

**Author's Note:**

> happy endings are unrealistic thank you for reading


End file.
